A Love Sham
by ashketchumwritesfanfic
Summary: Hermione finds Ron cheating on her with Lavender, and Fred offers a way to REALLY get back at him- to "fake-date". And that was their first mistake. Neither anticipated any of the mayhem that directly follows this massive prank. [the first chapters are roughly written- i started this a few years ago and plan to rewrite the first chapters.]
1. A Cheating Prat

**A/N**

So, I've been meaning to try out a long fremione story for a while, as one-shots are all fine and dandy, BUT I just want t try a long term story. So, lets try this out for now, and as I have some idea where I want this to go, I might take it there.

Authors and writers need lots of constructive criticism, and to keep this story going im going to need a lot of reviews! I take all kinds of reviews into account, even Flames, so don't be shy!

One last thing before I get started, as I am still in High School, I am majorly pressed for time. I will update when I can, so please be patient. I will most likely vent or tell you things about myself at the end of the chapters, so you can skip over them if you want!

Without further ado, here we go!

~Hawkshadow

Oh, Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, otherwise Fred would be alive and Hermione and Fred would be together!

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><p><strong>Hermione P.O.V.<strong>

I frowned for a second, Ron was supposed to meet me and he still hasn't showed. I slowly stood up from the great hall and walked up to Gryffindor Tower. Maybe he was still sleeping. It is only morning.

Climbing the stairs to the boy's dormitories I noticed that the rooms were deathly quiet except the slight creaking of a mattress.

_Hmm, that's really interesting._

I slowly made my way to the boy's room where Ron and Harry share with Dean, Seamus and Neville. The squeaking got louder.

Furrowing my forehead I opened the door to see Lavender with her legs wide open giving me a view I would never like to see again, and Ron on top of her shagging her brains out.

I let out a high pitched scream.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT RONALD WEASLEY!"

With that I turned on my heel and flounced out, ignoring his call of "ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

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><p>Later, when Ron tried to confront me about it, I could barely surpress my rage to him.<p>

"Mione, can we talk?" His pleading desperate voice was pathetic, as was his limp grip on my wrist. I yanked my arm out of his grasp.

"No, we cant. Don't call me Mione."

"But-"

At that I snapped. I paced back and forth, practically screaming at him. "You sick son of a banshee! How could you do this to me?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Mione!"

"I already TOLD YOU, DON'T CALL ME MIONE!" I lunged forward pointing my wand straight at his heart. "Give me one good reason, one reason why I shouldn't hex you so bad that you have to be carried out of here."

He stumbled backward the obvious fear plain in his eyes. "Whoa calm down Hermione. Take a chill pill. I just kissed Lavender, don't get your knickers in a twist!"

That was it. I was done with him and his ignorant jack ass thinking. I screamed at him "YOU ASS HOLE! YOU WERE SHAGGING HER. YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! HOW COULD YOU!"

His eyes widened in fear, more terrified then before. "She means nothing to me, Mio- Hermione. She was just a shag-"

My jaw dropped, as well as half the other jaws in the room. Lavender stormed up to Ron and slapped him across the face. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME RONALD. YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HER!" She thrust a finger in my direction.

Snarling I advanced to him. "Is this true?"

"Um, not exactly, its not really what-"

"Ronald Weasley tell me the truth. Is this true?"

"You see, its more of a matter of perception-" He was growing more and more flustered as people starting gathering around.

"I want a yes or no answer Ron."

He paled, and said "Yes. Its true."

I narrowed my eyes, this was it. I was going to kill the damn ass and not feel bad about it at one, not one bit, but as I opened my mouth to shout a hex a large warm hand coverned mine, and a voice whispered in my ear.

"There are better ways Mione."

I whipped around snarling. "Don't call me tha- Oh. Hi Fred."

Fred smirked at me and whispered to me softly. "There are better ways to get him back. Trust me on this."

I looked between Fred and Ron and then lowered my wand. "You will live to regret this Ron. Mark my words."

And with that I flounced out of the Great Hall and through the crowds of people with Fred following close behind.

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><p>AN

I am sorry this first chapter is so short, but if you review I promise to give you longer chapters! Please tell me if you like this, otherwise I wont be continuing it. Thanks!

Lots of love

~Hawkshadow


	2. Secret Passageways

_A/N_

_If you know it, I don't own it._

_*attempts desperately to do English and newspaper homework while staring longingly at Microsoft Word* Ah screw this! *puts homework away and begins to write next chapter!*_

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><p><strong>Fred P.O.V.<strong>

It was the start of a peaceful day, and I was heading to the great hall to get some food when I heard angry shouting. I rolled my eyes, annoyed. I honestly don't need angry conflict right now.

Sighing, I walked forward and was ready to detour to the kitchens when I saw what the fighting was about, or rather, who it was about. Hermione had her wand pointed directly at Ronald, with that bimbo Lavender hanging off of him.

_Well this aught to be interesting._

I edged closer, close enough to see and hear the conversation, close enough that I could intervene if needed be, yet not close enough to be seen.

"Is this true?" That was Hermione, asking Ron.

"Um, not exactly, it's not really what-" That was Ron.

"Ronald Weasley, tell me the truth. Is this true?"

"You see it's more of a matter of perception-" Ron was growing more and more flustered as people starting gathering around.

"I want a yes or no answer Ron."

"Yes. It's true." At this point Ron's face was deathly white, and I suppressed a snicker. Hermione was just about to hex him to pieces, and this was the point I realized I should probably step in.

I stepped forward and covered her small wand hand with mine, and whispered in her ear, "There are better ways Mione."

She whipped around surprised and snarled "Don't call me tha- Oh. Hi Fred."

"There are better ways to get him back. Trust me on this." I smirked at her softly, hoping she would trust me on this and let me help her distribute much deserved revenge on my prat of a brother.

She looked at me with her big brown eyes hesitating, and then snarled at Ron. "You will live to regret this Ron. Mark my words."

With that she turned and strode out of the room and I followed behind her closely, as I didn't want her to get too far. I needed to explain my plan. Her shoulders were shaking, with anger or frustration I couldn't tell, but she slipped into a secret passageway, and I followed slowly.

"Mione?"

"What Fred?" Her voice was thick, and she sounded extremely defensive.

"I'm here to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you right now." A sniffle.

Was she… _crying? _I walked forward and sat next to her in the darkness. "Are you ok?"

"Go away Fred!"

"No."

"What?"

"I said no Mione. I won't go away until you talk about this."

"There is nothing to talk about." Another sniffle. She was definitely crying now.

"You just found your boyfriend, who is also one of your best friends shagging another girl. So yes, there is something to talk about."

At this she tried to shove me weakly and started sobbing profusely. "Please… Just go away."

"I won't Mione. I care about you, and I think Ronald deserves revenge." I reached out and wrapped an arm around her slowly and was shocked momentarily when she turned and started sobbing into my shoulder.

"I loved him! How could he?"

"Because he is a pig headed git Hermione."

"He said that we would always be together!" She shook her head, smearing tears on my shirt.

"He is a prat who deserves to be thrown off of the Astronomy Tower." Hesitatingly, I reached up to stroke her hair softly.

Hermione was a great girl, she was always around with Harry and Ron, but this is the first time I've really gotten to speak to her one on one. A nice opportunity, albeit a slightly upsetting one.

"Thanks Fred…" Somehow she managed to wrap her arms around my waist and I smiled in surprise.

"Anytime Mione. Now, are you ok to proceed, or do you need to cry some more?"

"I hate that daft trashy bimbo Lavender!" One last sob escaped her, and then she fell silent.

"I have a way to get both of them back. It might be weird, it might be risky, but it would be worth it."

A small prepared sigh. "I'm listening."

"What is the best form of revenge?" I heard her pause, and I knew she was thinking the question over.

"Getting even."

"Wrong. You never just want to get even."

"You don't? But what about pranks?"

I shook my head, and answered slowly. "Getting even is never good enough. You want to raise the score in your favor. But, in relationship drama however _jealously _is the best form of revenge."

I could hear her chew on her lip as my words sank in. "You want me to make Ron jealous. But how do I do that?"

"With me."

"With you?"

"Yes. With me. If Ron sees us together, he will be so overcome with jealousy he won't know what hit him. And there you have your revenge."

"Fred… what are you implying?"

"Hermione, I am implying that we date, or well, _pretend _to, so that Ron thinks we are actually in a relationship. I have wanted to pull something like this over Ron for a while, but I have never found a willing participant. It will be weird, and it might be risky, but I am offering this chance to you."

"You want us to date?"

I chuckled. "No, I wouldn't ask that of you."

"But you just did?"

"No, Mione, I, you know what, it doesn't matter what I want. What revenge I want on Ron can wait for some other time. What matters is what you want."

"What I want…"

"Yes. So, what do you want?"

"I want to try what you are saying."

"It must stay a complete secret. Well, I will be telling George. You may tell Ginny, but you cannot let anyone else know that this is a trick. Do you understand?"

"Yes. If it makes Ron grovel at my feet to take me back, and makes him overcome with jealousy then I am most definitely in."

"Good. Now for our first plan…"

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><p><em>AN_

_One question, I have heard about Betas or beta readers. What are they, and do I need one? Please help me answer that, cause I'm down right befuddled!_

_Thanks so much for all of your reviews! They really make me happy! Please make me even happier by leaving me another one!_

_Now I really must be off to do my homework, as I put it away so I could write this! *hangs head in shame* I'm such a horrible student._

_Anyways, toodles for now!_

_~Hawkshadow_


	3. Flowers and Flirting

A/N

**Ok first off I know most of you skim right over these so I will try to be brief, but these are some important points I need to make. **

**First**, I really am sorry for my super long hiatus. First school got in the way, then all my other fanfics got in the way, and this year has been hell. I know 99% of you don't care about my personal life so I wont divulge, but I have a small summary on my profile explaining my super long hiatus. It isn't a pleasant reason. If you are more curious on the little I have said, feel free to PM me and I would love to talk to you.

**Second**, because of my long hiatus, I am metaphorically just now getting back on the horse. And it has been a year and a half. I think. Not so good with dates. But my writing has changed since then, and I dislike writing in first person now. It's pretty hard for me. And I think it turns out pretty shitty. My own work at least. So, I will continue with this in first person, but it might be distinctly different, as my writing style has hugely changed.

**Third**, just because I am taking a pop in from my hiatus to write this, doesn't mean I am officially back. I don't know when I will be able to write again, (see my profile) it could be tomorrow, it could be in a few months. I understand how frustrating that is. Please be patient with me, I am going through a rough time.

**So now that most of you haven't read this, I shall actually start writing the stuff which you will read. **

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><p><strong>Hermione P.O.V.<strong>

After the totally humiliating, embarrassing fiasco in the hidden corridor, I had somehow managed to make it back to Gryffindor tower without being spotted by Mrs. Norris, Filch, or Peeves, none of which I was in the mood to deal with. I couldn't actually believe I had let Fred Weasley of all people see me cry, and then threw myself into him, smearing my snot nosed mucus all over his shirt.

But the most astonishing thing of all was, he didn't seem to mind at all. And the proposal he had for me, the plan for revenge… Once he had gone into detail, and I was able to grasp its brilliance despite the incriminating scarlet blush on my cheeks, I had told him I was in.

I could still hear the teasing tone, still see the sparkle in his eyes as he mocked my innocence, prodded my widely known purity, and teased that little Prude Miss Granger could never do anything so promiscuous in her life.

He was right by the way. I could not believe I had agreed to his plan. It was absolutely ludicrous! Bonkers! Nutters! Absolutely mental. I had never done anything as balderdash as this since attempting to brew a Polyjuice Potion in my second year.

However Fred was right. Ron was a prat, and he deserved this kind of revenge. He had explained to me what my part would be tomorrow, and I grimaced in embarrassment. I wasn't some world class actor. How would I ever be able to pull this off?

I had never been overly daring, or devious and this was a plan that required both qualities. What if the plan backfired? What if it did nothing at all? It could cause insane amounts of drama, something Fred would thrive upon I suppose, but not me. I could always hide out in the library until the storm blew over.

I however did give Fred a promise. And even though this was going a bit far, this would give me the desired results.

When I finally reached the girls dormitories, and changed into my dressing gown and slid into bed, something hit me. The desired results? What exactly were the desired results? Was I expecting to get Ron back? No… I just wanted to make him jealous. So, where would that leave Fred and I? We had never spoken before this, and after this… What would happen?

Shit.

Deciding it was too late to think about such matters, I pulled the covers over my head and fell into a restless slumber.

The morning came earlier than I expected, bringing an onslaught of fear and a crick in my neck. At first I wasn't quite sure what had my stomach in knots until yesterday's events caught up to me.

I flushed in embarrassment at the scene in the Great Hall, I may have overreacted just a tad. And now, to compensate, I was to start off with more than one scene. Well, here goes nothing.

Dressing as hurriedly as I could, I made my way to the Great Hall where breakfast was already in full force. Grimacing I slid in next to Oliver Wood, who gave me a curious look before returning back to his bacon and sausage. I had never sat next to Wood before, he was quite popular, Quidditch Captian, and two years older than me, but it was part of Fred's instructions. Damn that man.

A great flutter came overhead and i ducked my head, knowing what was coming next. A great barn owl stopped in front of me, and deposited a dozen rozes, and a furled note.

_My Dearest Hermione  
>I have gazed upon your beauty for far too long and from perhaps too far away, and have not had the courage to do a thing about it. Sometimes I wonder why the sorting hat placed me in Gryffindor, if I cannot have the bravery to tell you that your beauty is far more valuable than that of Ronald Weasley. I had only wished many nights that I had been one to tell you first, and yet, what news did I hear but you two were no longer together? I could not contain my hopes, as for a brilliant and beautiful witch as yourself, I could not waste this chance to put myself out there, as hopes I might be able to hand you the world as you rightfully deserve. I should not be so rude as to impose myself so soon after a breakup, but with someone as beautiful as you, and a desire as strong as mine, I could hardly resist myself. Take these flowers, and think of me.<br>Your humblest Gryffindor. _

I read this note once, twice, then three times. Was he really _serious?_ He said he would be sending flowers, but, this was just… I flushed crimson, and that was when Wood noticed.

"Hermione, who sent you the flowers?" He looked at me curiously, and I declined to ignore him, hiding my face in my hands. As Fred knew, Wood would take the letter and…

"Hey guys, check this out! Granger here has a secret admirer!" And to her horror, he read the entire letter to the Gryffindor table, Ron at the end growing an ugly crimson.

Catcalls, whistles and applause rang throughout the table and I couldn't believe I actually agreed to letting Fred get away with this, and then that's when I saw Ron's face. He was livid, and mortified at the same time.

Well, maybe he had a point… Oliver had finally had his fill with telling everyone about my 'humblest Gryffindor' and turned back to me.

"So Hermione, have any idea who it could be?"

I nearly choked, I wasn't prepared for direct questions yet. "Um, no not really. I think it's just some joke or prank.. I mean I'm not that pretty…" I looked down at my plate, avoiding his eyes.

"Come on Hermione. Don't sell yourself short. I mean, I wouldn't date you, but you _are_ beautiful." Oliver leaned closer to me, his breath tickling my cheeks. "Do you want me to kiss you right now to prove it?"

"Are you actually flirting with me?" I said in disbelief, I could not believe this. Fred could have prepared me for the plan but, Oliver?

"Not exactly." He chuckled, kissed my cheek and stood up. "See you around Granger."

And I watched him walk of dumbfounded, as did half the Gryffindor table.

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><p><strong>AN**

**UMMMMMM ok I don't know where that came from. Really. I TOTALLY WAS GOING TO HAVE FRED KISS HERMIONE IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. THAT'S WHY THIS IS TITLED CH3THEKISS IN MY COMPUTER. SO WHAT JUST HAPPENED.**

**OLIVER WOOD. REALLY. SERIOUSLY. COME ON WHAT ARE YOU THINKING.**

**Welllllllllllllllllll I have a lot planned for this story! I know I have a lot of people following this, so I hope this chapter isn't really a disappointment. Its… weird. IM SO SORRY. IT WAS SO SHORT TO. IM SORRY. YOU ALL HATE ME. IT SUCKED AND IM AN AWFUL WRITER**

***runs and hides***

**But I promise It will get better? I just posted this really long funny story Truth or Dare the Weasley Way, its Fremione (eventually) it's like 5500 words so yeah its funny check it out**

**Me reviews I like? Yeah? My brain isn't working right now. I dunno whats going on. So help me out and help me find it or get it working. REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE**

**I DUNNO**

***runs away and sticks head in sand***

**~hawkshadow**


	4. All About Fred

**A/N**

**Ok, well, I had about 800 words that I had written about how I am full of shit cause I wrote Oliver Wood into the story. And I also had a ton of stuff at the end as well explaining why it has taken me so long to update….**

**But um. I wrote 4000+ words into this chapter alone without the authors notes at the beginning and the end, (and 1500ish for the thorough authors notes. That had important stuff.)**

**But my computer turned itself off and ALL OF IT was lost. Yeah. So after a bad anxiety attack I really don't have the energy to rewrite any of it. So if this chapter is shit that's why. Yeah. Sorry. Not sorry. Um yeah. Heres the chapter.**

**(I managed to save some of the stuff through messages I had sent but it's still shit so yeah)**

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><p>I huffed in mild exaggeration, chuckling at the hysterical Hermione Granger. In all honesty, who would have known? I mean, I knew somehow she had that fiery spark, in those murderous glances she gave George and I all these years, but perhaps, it did still shock me the rage and sheer power bottled up in the petite witch.<p>

I shook my head skeptically. What in the world had I gotten myself into. Yeah, bloody hell, I wanted to get back at Ron, but was it worth possibly crossing paths with Hermione Granger for Merlin's sake? That woman could hex my bloody crown jewels off. My… very valuable crown jewels.

I gulped. That was not a pleasant thought, no, I did not, definitely I did not want to cross the path of Hermione Granger. Grimacing, I shifted my bag more securely over my shoulder, and was all but oblivious to my surroundings until an astounding nasally voice shouted my name.

"Fred! Hey sexy, wait up!"

Oh no. I inwardly groaned, but dutifully slowed my pace and plastered on a fake smirk as I turned to face the girl that was determined to flirt her way into my pants. I was too busy to deal with this right now.

"Hey Jesse. Fancy seeing you down this corridor." I raised my eye at the Hufflepuff seventh year, with what I guess could only be described as breath taking looks. But, in my opinion I just thought she tried to hard.

Her uniform was always just a tad too tight, and honestly, left very little to the imagination. Sure, she had sleek curly blonde hair, and big blue eyes, but she just kinda… reminded me a little to much of a baby doll. It didn't help that she over did it all with copious amounts of make up and just, reeked of desperate.  
>I could perhaps go on about her inch long talons, but I think I shan't, as her lips twisted into a smirk. "What, gorgeous, aren't you pleased to see me?"<p>

I forced out a small chuckle, that quickly faded away in fear as she stalked forward, her two minions paced dutifully after her effectively backing me against the wall.

"Jesse, you know, being vain gets you in quite a lot of trouble. You should have been put in Slytherin with looks and ambition like that." I waggled my eyebrows at her, trying desperately to offend her without bringing any permanent harm to myself.

Her mouth dropped open, showing a bright wad of pink gum. Interesting. George and I just might have something especially for her later. "Fred Weasley, I didn't think you could be such a bloody arse!"

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave me a malevolent look through her blue eyes. I felt a twist of fear and shrugged it off. She was merely a horny girl looking to shag The Fred Weasley. Well, she happened to be out of luck.

I sent her a jovial wink and stepped forward. "Well, actually, yes. I can be a bloody arse. And this magnificent gorgeous bloody arse," I smirked, turned around and wiggled my arse, which in fact I am quite proud of, gave it a smack and turned back around, "has someplace to be. So excuse me ladies, I shall see you in Potions tomorrow." I stuck out my tongue for a final effect and strode off, leaving the three of them dumfounded in my wake.

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><p>Grumbling to myself I specifically choose the extra long way back to the Gryffindor tower, to avoid any other late corridor wanderers. Finally reaching the tower, I looked up at the giant portrait of the Fat Lady who smirked and giggled down at me.<p>

"Well Hello Mr. Weasley. Password?"

"Butternuts."

"Right you are." She winked and swung open for me, into the silent and deserted Common Room. I threw my bag on the floor and fell into the fattest arm chair closest to the fire groaning.

Merlin's beard, what the bloody hell had I gotten myself into? I would have to tell George, sooner rather than later. This time, perhaps, I had bargained for a sham that I couldn't pull, I mayhaps bit off more than I could chew with this prank.

All I was really looking for was a year quite free of drama, maybe ogling mighty fine bids, even shagging one or two, but this? This was down right dangerous. This was playing into the relationship field, something I had refused to step foot into since Angelina Johnson.

That there was a right bloody mistake. I had nursed a soft spot for her, the fiery chaser, but when I walked in on her and George snogging, well, that ended things quicker then I could even begin to say. It wasn't George's fault, I would never blame my twin for looking exactly like me.

George was my second half, I would never really blame him for anything. George was what I saw when I looked in the mirror, he was who I heard when I spoke out loud. And as nutters as it may seem, I would never let anything compromise my relationship with my twin.

Especially some bird. Ironically enough George and Angelina were a much better mach then her and I ever were, and they continued to hook up off and on through out the years, but never entered into anything serious or public. George and I agreed that would have been just weird.

Well, I mean, one could hope that we weren't exactly the same person. We may be identical, but having one girlfriend go from one to the other? That was down right… wrong. And after that, I had lost faith in maintaining relationships. I couldn't begin to trust that it wouldn't happen again. Like I said, we are identical, but we weren't exactly the same person. Was it too much to hope for someone to understand that?

Well, then again it wasn't exactly like Hermione and I were going to be in a real relationship. It was all pretend right? She was just my kid sister's best friend, who was the ex girlfriend of my sodding prat of a younger brother.

If I really stopped to think about it, Hermione Granger wasn't all that bad. I had vague memories of her as a bucked teeth, bushy haired prudish first year, but to be honest, that didn't really fit her anymore. As in all age, growth, or puberty, whatever one is supposed to call it, her hair had flattened or thinned and now hung in soft waves. As all girls, she had curved up, and hidden under her conservative bulky robes, perhaps one could say (someone that was not me for sure) that she was all tits, hips, and arse.

She was never one for make up, but she had the face and bone structure, she happened to be lucky enough to go without make up, something I prided her in. Girls like Jesse, painted whores, they creeped me out.

Again, I had never once considered bloody Hermione Granger in that light, especially since somehow, the little twerp Ronald seemed to find something interesting enough in her to date. But now, as the git went and cheated on her, it was my rightful duty to get back at him.

Right?

I had no ulterior motives, none at all. I was just you know, helping out a damsel in distress. Hermione Granger, well, however was not a damsel in any means, but she did happen to be quite a bird in a completely unbiased opinion I chided myself forcefully, if you took the time to actually give her a chance.

And who knew that she would have such daring and courage? Agreeing to my plan, I was a bloody Weasley Twin after all. Who knew what she was getting herself into? I did not know she had it in herself. But now together, her and I were a pair, a team, pulling a scam over the entire Hogwarts student body.

Well, that was more like it. A slow smile crept upon my lips, and I felt myself relaxing once more. Alright Freddie boy, sure, you went and opened your mouth to Hermione bloody Granger, but this, this you can do. This you will do. And you know exactly how to start.

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><p>"Leaving so soon Mr. Weasley?"<p>

The Fat Lady called out after me, and I turned around to look at her as she regarded me curiously.

"Yeah, just, a… late night trip." I winked at her and she laughed.

"Oh, I understand. A secret trip to Hogsemead, I see. But why are you going alone? Where is the other Mr. Weasley?"

"Oh this is just for me mind you. A little girlfriend run if you know what I mean." I raised my eyebrows at her, smirked and turned down the corridor.

"Careful not to run into Filtch, Mr. Weasley! I don't want to see you in trouble!" She whisper yelled after me and I grinned. Throughout all my late night wandering, and my sneaking in past curfew, you could say I had some what of a friendship with the painting that guarded the entry to Gryffindor Tower.

No one knew of course, as she never spoke to me when I was surrounded with my friends, I generally was surrounded with a bunch of people, but when did she ever speak to just any student? All she did was demand the password and let us through.

But she nursed a soft spot for me I choose to think, she never berated me or scolded me for skulking about after hours.

Finally reaching the statue of the one eyed witch, I pulled out my wand tapped the statue and whispered, "Desendium." I checked over my shoulder one last time and slipped inside.

I plodded along the tunnel, with only my wand light to guide me and my thoughts to keep me company.

Reaching the cellar I climbed through and walked into the streets. What I needed, was roses. I would have to visit Flora's Fancy Flowers. Madam Flora would be delighted to help me out, she as well had a soft spot.

I reached the door of her shop, decorated with swirls and delicate designs. Pushing the door open I stepped inside, to be greeted with an array of aromas from hundreds of flowers.

"Fred Weasley? Sneaking into my shop at this time of night? I might have known, you, sir, have girlfriend trouble." And then there was Flora herself, leaning against the counter basking in the candlelight. She was a long willowy witch who just might be a distant relative of Fleur Delacour, their resemblances were striking.

I gave her my patented smirk and stepped up to the counter. "Not girlfriend trouble, oh no not yet. But, perhaps, you may be right with girl trouble."  
>She quirked an eyebrow at me, her blue eyes sparkling. "Oh, you are looking to impress are we?"<p>

"Right we are. A dozen roses will do just fine for the first delivery. But you know me to well, I shall be visiting you as the flowers and expectations are built up to be more extravagant. If you know what I mean." I wiggled my eyebrows and winked at her, and Flora let out a high tinkling laugh.

"You are a smart one. Woo the witch with flowers, she must be a lucky one, to have caught your eye. Someone very brilliant, yes?"

I looked her over and nodded, pulling out some gold for the roses. "Yeah, she's special this one."

"Goodbye Fred Weasley, Goodnight, and best wishes that all goes well with your wonder witch." She winked and turned and disappeared through a door in the shop. I shook my head, grabbed the roses off the counter and exited as well.

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><p>I sat down in the common room arm chair where my bag was still dumped on the floor, and I gently placed the roses onto the table. I reached into my bag, pulled out a piece of parchment, a bottle of ink and a quill.<p>

Ok, so to start, how would I address an anonymous love letter to a bird I fancied? Dear? My Dear? My Beautiful? My Dearest? Yes… My Dearest Hermione…

_My Dearest Hermione__  
><em>_I have gazed upon your beauty for far too long and from perhaps too far away, and have not had the courage to do a thing about it. _

That sounds like something someone would say… Now something about being misplaced in Gryffindor? For a lack of courage…

_Sometimes I wonder why the sorting hat placed me in Gryffindor, if I cannot have the bravery to tell you that your beauty is far more valuable than that of Ronald Weasley. _

Oh yes, that works perfectly. And she would like that comment about Ron. I smirked and lowered my quill again.

_I had only wished many nights that I had been one to tell you first, and yet, what news did I hear but you two were no longer together? I could not contain my hopes, as for a brilliant and beautiful witch as yourself, I could not waste this chance to put myself out there, as hopes I might be able to hand you the world as you rightfully deserve. _

Now that… That was a line of gold. She would be eating out of my hands, well, eating out of 'my' hands. We alone know that this letter isn't real.

_I should not be so rude as to impose myself so soon after a breakup, but with someone as beautiful as you, and a desire as strong as mine, I could hardly resist myself. Take these flowers, and think of me.__  
><em>_Your humblest Gryffindor._

Oh yes. Your humblest Gryffindor. That sounds dashing, maddeningly handsome, daring, and yet so full of longing. Everyone surely will eat this right up.

Grinning to myself, I rolled up the completed letter, and tied it to the flowers. I would have to get to the owlery early in the morning to deliver these before morning post. And before anyone else spots me.

* * *

><p>Morning came bright and early, and I rolled out of bed and landed softly on the floor, silently. I walked over to Oliver's bed and shook him awake.<p>

Before he could make a sound however, I placed my hand over his mouth muffling his noise. "Come on. I need you for something." I grabbed him and dragged him down the staircase.

"George, its bloody 6 in the morning. What could be this important?" Oliver grumbled in annoyance.

I steered him forward, knowing that he eventually would wake up, and it would be soon. He had done this to us way to many times to count, in crack of dawn Quidditch practice. This was just something that he could help me with.

"Actually it's Fred. And here's the thing. You see these flowers? I have a special delivery this morning. There is a note attached to it. I have to send it to a certain girl this morning at Owl Post, and I already told her to sit next to you. The thing is, there really isn't anything going on between me and this girl, but I need someone to help me out."

At this point we had reached the Owlery and Oliver was watching me with open mouthed curiosity. "You are sending a girl, flowers, at breakfast, and you want me to do what exactly? And how in the bloody hell am I supposed to know who she is?"

I laughed, and patted him on the shoulder and went forward and choose a magnificent barn owl. "You will know who she is when she sits next to you. That is part of her instructions. When she receives the delivery, wait until she reads it, and looks embarrassed, because Oliver, she will be. That is when you will snatch it out of her hands, and read it out to the table. Do your thing, play the crowd."

I finished attaching the roses and the letter to the owl and turned around to face him. He was shaking his head, and laughing. "You, Fred Weasley, are down right devious. But I'll do it."

I grinned. "Mate, I owe you one."

"Right you do."

* * *

><p><em>AN_

_Ok so I found the rant I mentioned earlier. So I will put it here because I guess it is important for you to read it. Also, I am still VERY VERY sad that all my story got deleted. There was a scene where Fred got corned by a Ravenclaw head girl and she snogged him and he told her off, and then he was really evaluating his deal with Hermione, about how it would benefit him to pretend to be in a relationship because he is sick of all the girls after him and George._

_And I also didn't get to write the scene where Fred explains to George what is going on which is important. And its 4 in the morning. I've been working on this all day and night and morning. To get it done. So I could work on some of my other stuff._

_Maybe after I sleep ill slip it in a new chapter but, I guess not. The stuff that got deleted was important, and since this chapter is titled 'All about Fred' it really should only go in here. But I need it in the story so… anyway._

_Im tired. And yeah. So here._

* * *

><p>AN

_**THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ ALL OF IT. EVEN THOUGH ITS LONG. I KNOW. IM SORRY.**_

Hello! Ok, so I was doing some thinking, well, that's pretty much all I do is think. Anywho, after the surprising shock of last chapters ending, I really had to mull that over due to the whole grand scheme of things.

And I kinda fucked some shit up. (sorry, I got a dirty mouth :P for those innocents out there). As I was talking to my friend **bookluver52**, I am never quite specific what year the characters are in, and I always seem to dance right around the plot lines of J. K. Rowling. That being said, for true cannon lovers, (we know you are out there, no need to be ashamed!) it makes it so **easy** to rip apart and poke holes in my OTP's fanfic's logic.

However as a writer I guess that is the only way I seem to write. Out of the parameters of the authors lines. That being said, I COMPLETLEY FORGOT that Oliver Wood was two **BLOODY YEARS ABOVE **Fred and George.

So to make this fanfic at ALL POSSIBLE OR EVEN LOGICAL AT ALL *ash bashes her head against the desk very hard* this means Fred and George are in their **FIFTH YEAR**, and Hermione is in her **THIRD YEAR. **

And to be honest that is just nassssstttttyyyy. I don't ship that shiit at ALL. ATTTTT ALLLLLLLLL. NOT HAVING ANY OF IT. Well, I don't ship Fred/Hermione at that age. I only said Fred and George cause you know, they are twins. That would make Fred 15, and Hermione 13 **WHICH IS WAY TO YOUNG FOR RELATIONSHIPS AND SEX AND RON AND LAVENDER TO BE SHAGGING AT 13 AND THAT IS WRONG AND INNAPRORIATE BECAUSE THEY WOULD BE IN LIKE 8****TH**** GRADE AND NO NOT OK**

Somehow I assumed (**DEAR FUCKING GOD NEVER ASSUME THAT MAKES AN **ASS** OUT OF **U** AND **ME**)** that Oliver Wood was in Fred and George's year. But I have been spending TO MUCH TIME READING SHITTY FANFICTIONS AND I HAVENT REREAD THE **FULL** SERIES IN A WHILE. I think I mentioned that I'm rereading it right now, I'm on GoF but I just got distracted writing all this stuff and reading all these fanfics it must have slipped my mind.

I might have also mentioned that I'm doing this Harry Potter research project but this Authors note is getting long enough. I'll explain at the end. You should read about it, because I am really excited and I think you will find it interesting!

So that being said, I already placed Oliver in this story. Which means I can either go ahead and make it 3rd year for Hermione, or go WAYYYYYYY off cannon, and have Hermione be in like 5th year, and have Oliver be in Fred and George's year, AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO THAT EITHER BECAUSE THAT'S LIKE I DON'T KNOW VIOLATING FIXED LAWS OF TIME. SOME POINTS IN TIME ARE JUST FIXED YOU CANT CHANGE THEM. (Doctor Who, for those of you who don't know.)

I am in a big dilemma here. Because Oliver doesn't belong at Hogwarts. And that is my goddamn fucking shitty ass writing fault for NOT CHECKING MY FACTS AND WRITING AT TWO IN THE MORNING. I AM BETTER THEN THIS. I SWEAR. I PROMISE.

THIS IS WHY I DON'T SPECIFY WHAT YEAR THEY ARE IN SO I DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN ALL OF THIS SHIT. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGH.

I seriously have no idea what to do about this problem. Is it that big of a deal to you guys? Because ARGH I JUST CANT BEND TIME AND SPACE ITS NOT ALLOWED. THE LAWS OF TIME ARE *NOT* MINE AND THEY WILL *NOT* OBEY ME IM SORRY PEOPLE I AM NOT THE DOCTOR I JUST CANT HELP IT.

My head is going to explode. I don't know what to do.

SO WHAT I AM GOING TO DO RIGHT NOW IS MAGICALLY PRETEND THERE IS NINE YEARS AT HOGWARTS BUT THE ONLY 9TH YEAR AT HOGWARTS IS OLIVER SO YEAH SO I WILL WRITE THIS CHAPTER AND CONTINUE TO HAVE MY MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND ALL OF YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE HUGE PILE OF SHIT I JUST WROTE MYSELF INTO.

Also, I am not writing this in third person. BECAUSE FUCK FIRST PERSON. I HATE IT. SO LAME. ITS ALWAYS I ME ME I ME I ME I BLAH BLAH ARGH. I TRY TO WRITE IT AND IT TURNS INTO A PILE OF DOG SHIT. AND I SCREAM AT MY COMPUTER. AND THEN I GET ANGRY WHEN I READ MY CHAPTERS WHEN THEY ARE PUBLISHED AS AN UNBIASED READER AND I SLIP INTO THIRD PERSON WRITING.

BECAUSE I AM VERY CRITICAL OF MYSELF.

JDFKLGJIRHIOEHAGLJFNHJDZSJGHRTGJKDBNJBRKLSBK;A

So anyway after probably the longest introductory authors note of your life….

And you all think I am crazy and need to be locked up… Which is a valid thought.. You all should just go read my authors note Chapter 22 in Staying with the Malfoys.. Yeah. Haha.. I will write your chapter now.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, that was supposed to go at the beginning. Which I didn't put there anymore. Maybe you read it, maybe you didn't. But at this point… I really don't care.<strong>

***sigh***

**Sorry guys for being pathetic and shitty.**

**Im sorry this chapter sucked so bad. I really tried to update... Last week was my High School Graduation and my sister was in town and i was busy but you dont care and... just nevermind yeah. I updated. Yeah. Ill be better next time. Ill stop typing cause none of you really care about this stuff or read it...**

**~hawkshadow**


	5. Secret snarky friendships

A/N

Ok**. So much appreciated if you read this little snippet before moving on.**

It's been a long time since I've read/updated this fic, and I really am hazy on quite a bit of the details. If names change, or small things differ from chapters before it (like if one chapter ends and its supposed to be the next day when an event happens and I say it happens later/earlier just ignore it please.)

Also, I cut this chapter in half because I absolutely am MAKING myself update this TODAY. RIGHT NOW. So, don't worry, I know it is short, but I have at least another 1500 words written and I am still going and will be posting ASAP.

Thirdly, this chapter features only Hermione….. And Malfoy. This was not anything at all close to what I intended for this story, but I have been experiencing SO MUCH BLOODY writers block, FORCING myself to write George/Fred, Hermione/Fred, Hermione/Wood, and Fred/Wood that I was just bashing my head against the wall. I slipped Malfoy in the story and whoops he refused to leave. SO. Hermione and Malfoy have Arithmancy together, ALONE, (no other slytherins, no other Gryffindors, and pretty much with older year people because they are both so smart) so they are friends and secretly so. They pretend to hate each other but just have a teasing banter. This part of the chapter really got away from me… So um yeah. BUT! Like I said, I have Hermione/Fred interaction already partway written, and George/Fred interaction already written.

Next, I have been trying to write more, and like I mentioned, writing Hermione/Malfoy is easy for me. I really like their snarky sarcastic banter, and just the way they would be friends, so for those dramione fans of mine out there stay tuned… I will be using this plot for a Dramione fic I will be writing soon. Probably a oneshot- I don't have time for chapter stories. It will be Hermione and Malfoy having Arithmancy together, and featuring Ron cheating on Hermione with Lavender, and… well I'll leave the rest a mystery.

That is about it, but remember I KNOW this chapter is short and a let down, but I have more more more written! It is just getting wrapped up and smoothed out… It should be up within the next few days… I'm not too ambitious or hopeful.

Also pardon my spelling or other slipups- I don't have a Beta and I simply am to lazy to edit it at this point. I know. I suck.

* * *

><p>Hermione, nearly fuming, grabbed her bag and excited the great hall in search of Fred. She had a bit of time before she had to show up to Arithmancy, and she was quite ticked off. Her plan was to check the Gryffindor common room first, but before she even made it to the grand staircase she heard a distinct familiar voice call out to her.<p>

"Granger, could I possibly have believed my ears during breakfast this morning?" Hermione paused on the way to her next class and turned angrily on the spot to face the sneering face of Draco Malfoy.

"What is it to you?"

"You couldn't have possibly gotten a real love note- not you. I mean, look at you." Malfoy gave Hermione a pointed once over and grinned maliciously.

Hermione was quite relieved that Malfoy happened to be by himself at this moment, as he was headed off to Arithmancy as well. She rolled her eyes and adjusted the strap of her shoulder bag. "Oh yes Malfoy, I am perfectly aware of my appearance. I just _happen _to see it in the mirror every morning."

Malfoy looked at her inscrutably then smirked. "Is it true?"

"Is _what _true?" Hermione all but snapped, she really was not in the mood for this. Public humiliation was not exactly her thing and after her sleepless night she was in no mood to deal with Malfoy.

"That Ron had the decency to shamelessly shag Lavender, and dump your sorry ass at the same time?"

Well this certainly was in character of Malfoy. No tact or decency. "Actually, it is only partially true."

Malfoy just leaned against the stone wall of the corridor staring openly. After a few moments of tense silence he grunted impatiently. "Well? Is what true?"

"You truly are impossibly."

"I will take that as a compliment." A smirk again, accompanied with a wink.

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Yes, I caught Ron cheating, yes he definitely was shagging Lavender, but it was I who dumped _his _sorry ass."

Malfoy gave a surprised huff at this. "Well well well. However, that moves me onto my next inquiry."

Hermione gave an exasperated groan. "Really? Can't we just walk and talk? For god's sake Malfoy, you've made us late to Arithmancy three times this week."

Malfoy pulled his wand out and thoughtfully examined it. "Now where would be all the fun in that? Honestly Granger, you are too uptight about your studies."

"You should be _more _concerned with your studied."

Malfoy raised an eyebrow and twirled his wand between his fingers. "Why? My future is already planned out for me. Besides, whatever I don't pass, my father will just… make go away."

Hermione paused, and let out a disgruntled huff. She was used to Malfoy talking like this, and to anyone else who didn't pay much attention would simply sound like bragging, but Hermione knew Malfoy, and could hear the tinge of bitterness in his voice.

"Yes, that may work with _nearly _every teacher in this establishment, but this professor has no fear of your father. And will not save your grade simply because you were graced with the surname _Malfoy _and perfect blonde hair."

"I wonder what I would do without your incessant sarcasm and endless snark Granger."

"Probably go crazy. You don't exactly have many intelligent friends do you?"

Hermione gave a shit-eating grin, and Malfoy shot her a poisonous look. "For your information-"

Hermione through up a hand abruptly silencing Malfoy, and twisted her face into a forced look of surprise and said with dripping shock, "Oh wait! I just remembered… You don't have friends."

This made Malfoy give a very sour look and grip his wand tightly. Hermione ignored this and turned and started walking. "We are now officially running late- I refuse to show up more than 10 minutes after instruction starts."

The grimace turned suddenly into a gloating purse of the lips as Malfoy fell in step beside Hermione. "So. Are you going to tell me who this secret humblest Gryffindor is?"

Hermione gave Malfoy a resigned look and shifted her heavy bag from one shoulder to the other, so it would stop bumping into Malfoy. "Maybe. I don't know why I should though."

Malfoy threw a hand to his chest in mock offense. "Because I am Draco Malfoy and I am extremely trust worthy."

"You haven't told anyone about our friendship yet, which is something."

"That is because we aren't _friends_. And obviously because I wouldn't want anyone to know I was assorting with the likes of you Granger."

"Ha ha."

"But come on. I want to know."

"I still honestly don't know why I should tell you."

"Because if some Gryffindor has a massive crush on Granger, this is information I would just _love _to tease you with."

This was met with silence.

"Unless… you don't know who it is!" The gleeful look came back on Malfoy's face and Hermione glared. "Oh I know who it is."

"Then why in Merlin's name won't you tell me who it is? Unless… It was a prank."

More silence.

"Holy Salazar! It was a _prank!"_

"It was a… consenting prank. Partially."

This only seemed to confuse Malfoy. "What in the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means-" Hermione huffed exasperated, "It means that I agreed to go along with a plan to pull off a massive prank against someone, and I did not realize that I would be the brunt of public humiliation."

All of this only managed to give Malfoy a constipated look, as if he was attempting to think through and process the extreme ambiguity and apply it in the practical way.

"It means that Fred cornered me about Ron, and offered me a way to get him back, and I did not expect Fred to go _that far _by sending me flowers and an anonymous love note."

Malfoy had stopped dead in the middle of the corridor, his mouth opening and closing incessantly, speechless. "What? You were- you- you were in on it? Weasleby? And the annoying twins?"

"Yes. Ron, and his older brother Fred, who also happens to have a twin. Anything else need clarifying?" Hermione turned on her heel and grabbed Malfoy's elbow and yanked him forward. "We need to get to class you twat!"

Malfoy simply shrugged out of her grip, and continued to look as if he had walked straight through the Bloody Baron. "But this is utterly, brilliantly, magnificent!"

"Excuse me?"

"Honestly Granger, I have no idea why you haven't concocted something like this before."

All Hermione could do was just stare at him. What in the bloody hell?

Malfoy simply started laughing, and Hermione could not understand what was so amusing about this situation. They were honest to Godric _late _at this point, and Malfoy seemed to have no concern for that. Hermione strode forward and once more grabbed his elbow. "Honestly you empty-headed snargalof will not move those ridiculously small feet of yours, I _will _hex you."

That seemed to pause the laughs, as Malfoy examined Hermione for barely a few seconds before doubled over in near hysterics. "Did you just call me a snargalof?"

"Yes I bloody well did you idiotic tosh pot. Now move!" Hermione yanked Malfoy forward, nearly dragging him down the corridor.

"I cannot believe this. Granger, pulling an elaborate prank on her sorry ass ex-boyfriend. I couldn't be more proud!" Malfoy at this point has started walking on his own, shoved Hermione playfully as he pretended to wipe tears of pride from his eyes.

Hermione gave him a warning look. "Don't you dare."

"Dare what?"

"Don't you even-"

"That is so utterly _Slytherin _of you!"

Hermione only responded to this by whacking him on the shoulder, then shoving him through the door of the Arithmancy classroom with a promise that she would find that Fred Weasley after class and give him a piece of her mind.


	6. Malfoy proceeds to be a little shit

A/N

**Ok, so I promised I would update soon and here I am. However, once again I had to cut this chapter in half, it was almost up to 7k words. HOWEVER, I am almost done with the rest of it, only a few more scenes to write and I thought it would be better if I post this first, and the second chapter later tonight or tomorrow.**

This will be quick-

Fremione shippers: sorry for all the Draco/Hermione action going on, and lack of Fred/Hermione! I promise things will get juicy with them soon, this chapter I guess was much needed to get the whole plotline/setting going.

Three things that are only slightly important I guess: the blond OC hufflepuff I introduced a few chapters ago Jesse is going to be around for a while- I needed a character to get her hands dirty. She is Michael Corner's older sister (M.C. is a ravenclaw in Harry's year if you forgot.) Also Malfoy is a little shit in this chapter and I LOVE it. And lastly I'm sorry for those Ron lovers out there, but he is OOC in here- pretty much a giant Douche- (pretty much how he is all book 3). SOMEONE had to be the bad guy here…. I really do love Ron! But nothing actually EVIL from him, just a rude insensitive prat.

I will once again warn and apologize for my abrupt and random shifts in points of view- writing in third person is a lot easier for me, but sometimes I'll slip in first person and then back. Ugh. Just go with it. I at least hope these later chapters I have provided for you are much better than the first few.

It's been three years since I started this story- my writing style has changed a REDICUOUS amount.

And to my new personal promise of keeping my authors notes short- read on!

/Carry on my wayward son

* * *

><p>Hermione suffered through a torturous hour of Arithmancy, somehow her worst class yet. And that was saying something, due to the fact she had it with <em>Malfoy<em>.

Who had a habit of doing quiet yet ridiculously disruptive antics- like tossing wadded up pieces of parchment on her desk, or kicking her under the table. He was currently muttering things in Latin. LATIN.

"Malfoy, would you cut it out!" Hermione hissed at him through gritted teeth

Malfoy smirked. "Oh, am I bothering you?"

"You- you!" For all the irritation she had at Malfoy, for some inexplicable reason she could not seem to form words.

"Me? Me? What in Salazars name am _I _doing?" Malfoy put on a look of faked incredulity, at the same time waving his wand under the table performing a spell [that was quite a neat trick Hermione had to admit grudgingly] that jumbled all the letters on her notes so it was resolutely un-readable.

"You know full well what you are doing." Hermione had to grip her quill tightly, and with a tremendous amount of self control managed not to stab him.

"And what is it that I am doing?" Malfoy cocked an eyebrow, looking remarkably innocent, which was astonishing for such a smug brat.

"I am _attempting _to take notes, which you never do I might add, and you are being quite the clot pole." Hermione was desperately trying to keep her voice down, to avoid attracting attention from their already irate professor. She shot Malfoy a malevolent glare, as he started laughing loudly and quite obnoxiously.

"Mr. Malfoy, is there something you wish to share with the class?" Professor Septima Vector examined Malfoy shrewdly, as he continued to laugh loudly.

"Oh, certainly. Granger here, just chose to address me as a _clot pole_. Excellent choice Granger, really, truly."

This did not amuse Professor Vector [a/n: any of my whovians, I imagine her as the Queen, with Rose&10 try and get her to say 'I am not amused. Everyone else… GO WATCH DOCTOR WHO]. "Five points each from both Gryffindor and Slytherin, and I would appreciate it if both of you refrained from disrupting my class in the future. Next time I will assign detention."

Hermione flushed crimson at this injustice. It was only five points, but she _never _got in trouble. Malfoy shot a gloating smirk at Hermione, and she muttered fiercely under her breath, "If you weren't being such a numnut I wouldn't have had to."

"Oh come on Granger, don't get your over large panties in a bunch- you need to let loose more. Cause some trouble."

Hermione ignored him, perhaps if she refused to acknowledge him he would simply cease to exist, but to no avail.

"You know, I am pleasantly surprised, you might do just that with you dating a Weasley twin."

"Whatever Malfoy, just shut up and stop bothering me. I know you will be pissed later when I don't have the correct notes for this."

Hermione not paying close enough attention to her surroundings didn't bother to correct Malfoy, it wasn't a big deal to her whether Malfoy of all people believed her and Fred to be dating- most everyone else would find out in time. It was all part of the plan right?

Malfoy however, was a Slytherin, and obviously that meant he always had some sort of devious plan up his sleeve which Hermione seemed to have forgotten as she was furiously jotting down notes and resolutely ignoring him. He was also pretty observant, he knew the Hufflepuff blonde, and her two friends that sat in front of them every day were in the same year as the Weasleys, who happened have potions together. Next period actually.

Malfoy knew about this, because Snape might have mentioned it, not you know, because he was weird and creepy. At least that's what he kept telling himself. The whole thing was, he knew that blonde. That was Jesse Corner, pureblood, and older sister to Michael Corner. They had shown up to a few manor dinners his parents had hosted- to keep up appearances simply, Father and Mother simply _hated _the blood traitor Corners- but he knew Jesse should have been sorted into Slytherin.

That girl was a piece of work, malicious, manipulative, cunning and plain evil. Malfoy was impressed on occasion with the results of her meddling. She really could afford to pass some tips off to Parkinson- the brat.

The thing was, Malfoy knew Jesse had the hots for Fred, and Jesse would be utterly furious when she heard about this 'fake relationship' of Granger and Fred. Malfoy honestly had no idea how it happened, but he seemed to have grown _fond _of Granger- he shuddered at that thought- and he detested that Jesse. So he kicked his plan into action.

Malfoy grinned, as he had noticed Jesse stiffen, and she was listening intently. "So, you and Fred do the dirty yet?"

Hermione rolled her eyes exasperated, and sarcastically muttered, "Oh yes, Malfoy, we've done it all over the castle."

"Is this true? All over the castle? Wow!"

"In every position, even in the prefects bathroom."

Jesse at this, leaned over to one of her friends and whispered something savagely to her friend, throwing a dirty look back at Granger. Malfoy smirked, success. Jesse of course, was sitting in front of Hermione and was unable to see that Hermione and Malfoy were both was oozing sarcasm.

Malfoy settled back into his chair with a broad smirk, ignoring the contemptuous looks Hermione kept shooting him, and waiting for the dungbombs to hit the fan.

* * *

><p>Fred was in a foul mood, he was going to be late to potions. Entering the common room, He spotted George at once, he was across the room flirting up a couple of 6th years. Fred was amused by the simpering looks plastered on the faces of the girls, and decided to spare a few moments to indulge.<p>

"Georgie, dear, come here for a minute!" Fred adopted a high pitched girly voice, and nearly lost it at the outraged looks that appeared on the 6th years faces.

Naturally many other heads had turned at Fred's shouted exclamation- and George registered a brief moment of surprise and searched for the cause of this interruption when his eyes landed upon his brother.

George smirked, and adopted a similar tone to Fred's. "In a moment Freddie dearest!"

"But Georgie! We are going to be late for potions, and you _know _how dear Severus gets when we aren't…. prompt."

This was met with gasps and giggles, and both twins' smiles could have spilt their face in two. Being in the center of attention was something they both loved, craved- needed. And scenes like this were extremely common with the two brothers.

"Quite right, my favorite twin. We really should hustle these gorgeous booties of ours down to the…. Dungeons." George winked at the girls who were still giving him rapturous gazes, and apologized. "Sorry ladies, my other half awaits. But I shall return to you later- if you can handle waiting for me."

With that George strode across the common room to his waiting brother, leaning against the wall next to the portrait hole. Once George finally made his way across the room to where Fred was standing, he grabbed George's elbow and all but abruptly pulled him out of the portrait hole.

"Merlin Fred, what's with you today?" George scowled, immediately dropping his flirtations grin once they were in the hallway and Fred felt slightly apologetic. George was right, Fred was acting unnaturally weird. "You normally would have been all over those girls, you absolutely love getting fawned over.

"I simply do not know what you are talking about George." Fred shifted shiftily, looking _very _suspicious.

"Fred!"

"Oh alright George. Are you sure you want to know what is going on?"

George shot Fred a 'hell yes do I even have to ask' look and Fred shrugged begrudgingly.

"Do you remember yesterday when Hermione caught Ron with Lavender?"

George blinked. No, he certainly didn't. "Wait, what? Hermione? Hermione was with Ron?"

Fred took a second and gaped at his twin, was this some sort of prank? Or was his brother really just that blind? George blankly matched Fred's astonished gaze, waiting, which prompted a deep frustrated sigh from Fred.

"Ok. So about a year ago Hermione and Ron pulled their heads out of their asses and got together. Point is, Hermione walked in on Ron with that blonde bimbo in their year Lavender in a… _very _compromising position."

George looked quite taken aback at this. "Are you serious right now?"

"Yes. Anyway, it was this major fiasco in the great hall, and I followed Hermione- she was quite a mess- and we elaborated and consorted into sort of- sort of… pranking Ron in a sense. We would pretend to date, to get Ron jealous." All of this had Fred looking extremely flustered, rubbing the back of his neck like a lifeline.

George narrowed his eyes dangerously. "So what you are telling me, my dearest brother, is that you and _Granger _of all people decided pull off the biggest prank of the century to get back at our biggest prat of a brother- excluding Percy but I am still unconvinced he is actually family- all without telling me?"

"I believe… that is exactly what I am saying.

"For a full day Fred. You kept this from me."

Fred had the nerve to look slightly abashed. "Um. Yes."

Suddenly Fred was quite surprised to find this, he was being walloped around the ears with some tremendously heavy textbooks.

"You- GIT- how- dare- you- leave- me- out- of- this!"

Fred cowered. "I was planning on telling you!"

"When might this have been? In the next year?"

"Well… When things were settling down."

George grimaced. "Please do not tell me that you are Granger's 'Secret Admirer'."

Fred was silent, and George paled. "And by your silence, and Wood's surprising involvement, you asked him to help?" Again, Fred's silence told George everything he need to know.

"I cannot BELIEVE you."

Fred narrowed his eyes. "Yes, well I cannot believe YOU. How dare you actually be studious for once, and carry around those nonsensical textbooks!" The only reaction George gave to this was whacking Fred once more with the textbook in question.

Fred held his hands up in defeat. "Alright alright I am officially the worst twin in the history of history." George nodded earnestly which prompted a glare from Fred. "BUT. I am going to need your help to pull this off."

George raised an eyebrow. "You have the nerve to ask me for help? No way! Nope. I'm officially out of this." Ignoring Fred's astonished gasps and stuttered protests and turned on his heel and walked resolutely out of the corridor without looking back.

* * *

><p>Fred had about five seconds of deep horrified panic before his arm was grabbed and he was yanked sideways into a secret room.<p>

"What the bloody hell do you think you are up to Fred Weasley?"

Fred's surprisingly blue eyes were matched by a very angry pair of chocolate brown ones. Oh. Hermione. "Oh well hello to you too Granger." Fred winked and tried to act casual by leaning casually against the wall, like he hadn't been totally shoved against it against his will a few moments ago.

"Do NOT call me that." Hermione's hair seemed to crackle with electricity, and Fred couldn't ignore the rumbled state of dress and shadows under her eyes.

He narrowed his eyes in turn, and fixed her with a piercing look. "Alright _Hermione. _What in the hell happened to you?"

"I happened to have not gotten any sleep last night, thanks to you!" She managed to accentuate every word with jabs to the chest with her extended finger. Damn, she seemed dangerously sexy when ticked off.

_What the hell Fred?_

Ignoring whatever thoughts were going through Fred's mind preventing him from retorting Hermione plunged on. "I do not appreciate being made a mockery of during breakfast. If you EVER do something like that again, I swear to Merlin I will hex your crown jewels so violently you won't be able to walk straight for a week."

Fred gulped, this was exactly what he had been terrified of. "Godric, Hermione, I swear I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought-"

"No! That's the problem Fred, you don't think. You didn't bother to even consider what type of a person I am, and how I absolutely hate being the center of attention. You forget, I am an ugly, annoying, stuck up book nerd know it all that Ron Weasley got tired of and shagged someone prettier. You forgot, that I have spent my entire time at this school being ridiculed because of my brains, my looks, and everything in between."

Hermione really was in a rage, her eyes were flashing fire, and her usually full lips were pressed so thin she was starting to resemble McGonagall. And she had never been more attractive. "Jeez, Hermione-"

"No Fred. I don't want to hear it."

Fred, at this was startled to see that Hermione was on the verge of tears. "No, listen."

When Hermione opened her mouth to protest, Fred covered it with a large hand, grabbed her waist with the other and spun them around- slamming Hermione against the wall and Fred pressing into her.

With this one move, Hermione couldn't help but feel more turned on than she ever had in her entire relationship with Ron. She became so distracted at how close Fred was, what with his body pressed up against hers, his large hand with quite _exquisite _fingers covering her mouth, the other hand hot and heavy on her waist, his gorgeous blue eyes, his ginger hair looking utterly soft and touchable, an intoxicating scent coming off of him and those adorable freckles splashed across his nose and cheeks, that she wasn't listening to what he was saying.

"Merlin, Hermione, did you not just hear a word I just said?" Fred looked mildly affronted.

"Wait what?" Fred was surprised to find that Hermione's chocolate brown eyes were blown wide, and she seemed to be quite breathless. He seemed to belatedly realize he still had one hand over her mouth, his other on her waist, and he was _way beyond _intrusion of personal space. He was hip to hip with her, pressing her warm body into the wall of the corridor, and he could feel _every _inch of those sweet curves pressed against him.

Fred shook his head and stepped back, immediately missing the physical contact he had with Hermione and shoved his hands in his robes awkwardly. "I was saying I had no idea you felt like that. If we are supposed to be a team, a team in this prank, we need to be together."

Hermione just stared at him, her mind atrociously blank for a few moments _desperately _missing the way Fred had been pressing her into that wall…. But no- focus. "I know. I'm sorry I got so upset, I just… I really just don't appreciate being the center of attention."

Fred's eyes softened at this. "I know, and I really do apologize about that. But- with pulling a prank with me, _and _fake dating me, you need to understand that will come with risks."

Hermione crossed her arms and pressed herself more than ever against the stone wall- Fred was much too close and she couldn't think. "What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, George and I are _always _in the thick of things. We are always the center of attention, and you will too by dating me. I can't promise to you I won't pull a stunt like sending you a love note again, but I can promise you will know exactly when and where. If something is too elaborate for you, we can discuss and compromise."

"Fred-"

"No Hermione. We got into this to create a show for Ron- the whole _point _of this prank is to cause a scene and make Ron furious. If you want out now is your chance. You can't ask me to participate in this when the whole point is off limits."

Fred's stomach gave an uncomfortable clench at this, he really didn't want Hermione to back out, but why he had no idea. Perhaps it had something to do with those delicious curves he couldn't stop thinking about, or those chocolate brown eyes, or-

"Fine. I'm in. All the way, whatever needs to be done. But _never _pull something that will humiliate me without telling me first."

And before Fred could even utter another word, she was gone. He stood there in a daze, but then realized that he was beyond late to potions.

* * *

><p>AN

Some sweet Fremione action happening here right?

Anyway, I swear to all that is good and holy in this world (everything that is NOT the supernatural finale ugh) that I have much more for you. Like I said, the chapter was 7k words, it needed to be cut in half. I am honestly almost done.

Maybe if I get reviews on this chapter- thoughts/opinions/feelings I might post it tonight! Or tomorrow. Who knows.

Anyway. More coming I promise.


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